Most of the time I don’t feel perfectly all right. There’s always another cup of coffee, cigarette, snack, pill or something even worse on my mind. Nagging. The problem is that once I’ve satisfied one need I just start focusing on the next. This is where I agree 100% with Buddhist philosophy – you need to eliminate all the wants in your life to be “happy”. Sex is in a bit of a special category as far as my needs go. I can look at a woman on the train, start fantasizing and end up craving her, but I don’t need to have her to feel all right. In fact, the lust is its own reward. I can understand how a guy in our blogger community is into wearing a chastity belt/cage/device. Is this because the idea of the physical intimacy and orgasm is better than the reality of it? I’d be hard pressed to answer that one because I love orgasms and giving physical love. But once I’m spent it sometimes feels as though I’d just been chasing my own tail. Sex is elusive that way. I’d welcome comments from female readers about this.
Back to feeling “all right”. It has been said of Lou Reed that being “all right” was the ultimate state of being for him. You hear the phrase often in his lyrics. I’ve certainly got a lot in common with the great Mr. Reed when it comes to the substance/addiction department. And the best I can strive for is also to feel “all right”. Today I’m feeling all right. Why am I feeling all right now? Is it because I’m sober? Because I’ve dropped Ritalin out of my medications cocktail? Do I have just the right amount of caffeine in my system or is it because my boss is away this week? No, dear reader. I’m feeling at ease because I’m engaging in a deeply meaningful activity: reading and writing blogs. I’m connecting with people in faraway lands whom I don’t know physically but whose inner thoughts and feelings are being shared with me in a very generous way. Then there is the exquisite blessing of being able to write. Write whatever I want. Write whenever I want to. Until the day that the keys peel off of my keyboard.
I’m thinking about all the things I can still write about. All those weird and wonderful experiences I’ve had. I can even make up stories to entertain you. It’s such a privilege to be able to blog, read blogs of others in my community and to get read in return. Hell, a successful fellow blogger even nominated me for an award! There are many contestants, but just being nominated by another person whose work I’ve read and respected is such an honor and a thing of great personal value. Big up to you Isolated_girl – you’re a true Outsider!
Love and peace to all.