All of us born with the baffling disease of addiction have to fight many different demons daily. To me it’s like being at civil war with oneself on a daily basis. As we know all too well this disease wreaks havoc in our rrlationships and personal lives which in turn makes us more dependent on that escape from the pain.
I am unable to stay dry and clean on a permanent basis and still maintain the grit to carry on…thoughts of a purposeful overdose or a bullet to the head are never far away. Yet, I can’t consider suicide seriously because I have two young children whose lives I dare not fuck up in this violent and (arguably) selfish way). Where does that leave me, because my exposure to recovery programmes causes me a great deal of guilt and self-loathing. I’m sure there are a lot of addicts like me who can’t live without it but also feel so guilty that you are never too far from suicide (esp. When your partner keeps scratching at the wound that causes you this pain).
Therefore, I am working on a framework for addicts in recovery as well as active users that will give you a basic moral framework to counteract the guilt (that may mean death to you) while you are using.
The first “commandment” is to do no wrong, except to yourself (e.g. sacrifice your own health as long as that doesn’t touch your loved ones). Never steal to gain the means for using – work for it! When it comes to children don’t expose them to this life in any way (don’t transport them while drunk and never use in front of them). In fact, due to the biological risk they are at, you should never say anything positive about drugs or alcohol to them and try your damnest not to let them find out you’re high. Work. Take full responsibility for the job you have (if you have one, else make an earnest search for a job). You can take the hardest most menial job available but you must strive to be the best and most reliable employee at it. We need to shake off the perception that we’re lazy and unreliable when it comes to work. I don’t care how fucked you are, make sure you break your back to earn your bread. Don’t let substances become your only companion in life! If we are going to change the public perception of our community you must make a point of it to keep consuming serious literature and poetry that you can use to add value to the lives of others. We are known for acting selfishly let’s change this perception: try to make a positive contribution to the lives of those around you – intelectually, physically, by demonstrating love and by helping out. Remember that we are one the fringes of society, it is our duty to help those (in any small way we can) who are also finding themseleves on the outside looking in. Again, I don’t care if you do this while you’re wasted – this is the only way in which some of us can function at all – but don’t talk about your booze or drugs , just put your head down and make a positive difference (I promise you they’ve already labled you as an addict). Don’t ever use violence except in self defense. Don’t steal. Don’t add sexual deprivation to your already black record (masturbate if you must but leave out other people and their feelings). Admit you have a problem and don’t be defensive (they already know). Be kind. Pray to the God of your understanding – every day. Go to church with an open heart. Try your best to get in and stay in a recovery fellowship – even if you’re relapsing every day – let people know you are trying. Find just one other thing that you like doing besides drugs/booze and do it every day (it can be a sport, writing, playing with your kids, helping an addict worse than yourself or expanding your mind through reading/writing/studying etc.). Make sure you display only the best of manners e.g. be respectful of the elderly, you might learn some awesome shit from them!
Those are some of my thoughts, but I’d like to hear further suggestions from my brothers and sisters (whether normie or addicts) about how we can further build out this moral code so we can shake that feeling of guilt and hopefully become valued members of society…and maybe…just maybe…get clean.
Let me know.
Love and God’s blessings. NewOutsider